How NOT to write a personal statement, the readers digest version.

I have been trying to prepare my application for grad school over the past few days. The personal statment has been giving me trouble although I think Ive finally got it. Take a look:

“The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, Lao-Tzo. "Thats one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" Neil Armstrong. "Keep on Truckin" Jerry Garcia. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", 18th century british playright. " These are quotes. Each step along the way matters, giving the journey depth and implication. For me, this journey towards a PhD in Biomedical sciences started with my freshman biology class at Montgomery High School. The path that unfolded from there is full of oddly shaped rocks, potholes, and a bit of shit on your right; Now it brought me to this essay you are reading today.

“Look! They are having an orgy!” My biology teacher, Mrs. Naryan exclaimed as she darted from one microscope to another. Excited, I rushed over to see what was going on. The slide in front of me was full of what seemed to be intertwined shapes. Almost impossible to distinguish where one entity stoped and another began, I began to wonder if it was safe to view this at school. I later found out that it was Algae which I saw in that microscope causing my own excitement to exponentially grow, like a baloon attached to an un attended hellium tank more than 3/4 of the way full. Neverless,as I delved into the depth of knowledge surrounding the various organisms and microorganisms that exist in our world that pond water put me in a state of awe because it was really like looking into an entire new world, and I wanted to learn more. Far from being quiescent, I learned early on about the enthusiasm and platonic passion my teacher possessed for science. I recall seeing the spark of excitement in her eye when she talked about cellular processes such as mitosis and the exuberance she had at every lab. Mrs. Naryan nurtured this excitement in me especially during quiet time, where we could occasionally play silent ball. I distinctly remember thinking to myself "this is what being a scientist is like, I can do this!". Unfortunately, I was thinking aloud and lost the game, but this is beside the point. I liked how the class challenged me to think while giving me a glimpse into how the world works. I believe that Mrs. Naryan’s enthusiasm helped me open the door to an exciting new world.

My interest in science continued to grow, like jacks bean stalk, throughout the rest of my High School career, ultimately pushing me up towards the clouds to the doorstep of "my major" at Gettysburg College. As I walked through the front doors, "my major" was still asleep within. However as I continued to walk inside, I knocked over some things on the ground which awoke "my major" from it's deep slumber on top of that oversized kitchen chair and proceeded to try and eat me. At college, I had two professors whose classes really charged my excitement and fascination to a whole new level. Not only did their classes intrigue me beyond others, but I also saw the love of science within them. I will clarify that this love was not between the two professors but their mutual love shared for a single thing, like how people are with kittens on the internet. I love kittens on the internet as well, you see, so just like that, a new fansite was born.

When looking at me as a candidate, I understand that you will look at my undergraduate grades. My GPA at Gettysburg College could have been higher and I want to address this. The biggest problem that I had during my college career was time management. I suffered a great deal from poor time management skills being that my cat fansite took a large portion of my time and this consequently caused my grades to be lower than what I know I am capable of. Since I know this weakness of mine, I have been working to improve my time management skills and placing greater emphasis on planning ahead.

If you choose to accept my application, I will assure you that I will not let you down. I am a hard working, persistent individual who wants to continue to grow in his love for science. My eager and curious nature will also drive me to learn new techniques and knowledge. I want to add that I realize that a Ph.D. is a serious commitment. When things need to get done, I will not hesitate to put in longer hours, sacrifice weekends and do whatever it takes, in a non sexual manner, to make sure what needs to be done, gets done. I also understand that I am not alone in this journey. Professors, fellow students, and friends will undoubtedly prove to be invaluable for their guidance, advice and other means of aid. Furthermore, I will continue to help others by sharing my own skills, advice, and knowledge. Thank you for your time in reading my personal statement, and your consideration.


Ok, so that wasn't exactly the best essay out there. Actually, I highly reccomend that you avoid using most of the elements present in it. If you follow that advice, you will probably be in pretty good shape.