Tinkering with Trouble

What is it that causes relationships to fail? There are plenty of reasons, and the list can range from anything like abuse, lying, cheating, to less cutting attacks such as misunderstandings, lack/ loosing interest, not clicking anymore. I think for me, the problem has something to do with loosing myself. What i mean by this stems from my perception of what I am as well as what I want to be. When I first start interacting with someone, I am often much more energetic, fun, entertaining. Things pop into my mind with ease, to either ask about or simply say out of the blue.

I feel that the main reasoning behind this is at least twofold; Firstly, there is no personal investment in this person upfront; I simply have nothing to loose. Secondly, this is the stage where euphoria and infatuation comes into play. The time where people are really good at ignoring anothers faults while only seeing the positives.

Now after a month or two of euphoria, the perspective and ease fades. This phase can maybe last longer at times but is that really my problem? What exactly goes wrong then? Am I so shook by the alteration of everything that I take the change as a sign of either her, myself, or both of us loosing interest and causing me to freak out, put pressure on myself and push away? Or is there something I fundamentally do wrong interaction wise? Maybe she simply isn't the one I want and a part of me sees that, therefore allowing me to act accordingly.

One of the ways I gauge how a relationship is going (friend or otherwise) depends on how much the other person wants to talk to me. If there is a divergence from that average, then I start to worry. Initially I am interacting evenly with that person but after a while I feel like I get caught up in it and become much more passive, almost like an observer. Another way to put it is that instead of two people playing ping pong, it switches to one playing against a wall. This could go for a while but with no interaction the player can A) get bored of being the only one hitting the ball, or B) slips up, causing the ball to die because the wall fails to pick up the slack.

I feel like in a sense I can loose myself after a certain point. Does everyone experience this? I think the answer is probably yes, but the real question is how do you find yourself again? Sure we all find ourselves again with time, but is there a way to recall yourself on demand, or even better... never loose oneself? A friend told me that the best way to finds herself is through solo traveling. With this situation, one will only do things for themselves. Interact when you want to interact, see what you want to see, do what you want to do. I suppose this is just like going back to initial meetings of a relationship, there is nothing to loose because you haven't really made any investments yet. So let's say that the solo traveling will help you be more like yourself again. Now the question is, does this feeling last, such as a battery is recharged? Or is it like plugging into an outlet of your core personality? With the outlet, you must be plugged into the source (solo traveling) but once you leave that source (going back to the person you are invested in) your outlet becomes unplugged, since the source is no longer being tapped. This brings up two questions:
1) Can someone actually recharge themselves by solo traveling or some other activity AND then go back to the person who you have investments in and be alright again?
2) Is there a way to behave uninhibited all the time, meaning can someone view relationships from an non invested standpoint?

I think that the answer for is yes to one both or neither, depending on the person. Some people might need to get a recharge every so often, while for others, that recharge might not be enough. For others still, I think they don't need this at all cause they either are very defined as a person, and/or derive their happiness from within, never relying on the other as their source of anything (or maybe its just not relying on others primarily).

I really struggle with the idea of being able to think of everything from a within standpoint. I mean a relationship needs two people, if you are only relying on yourself, then what is a relationship for? However the problem with relying on someone else is that people fluctuate and when you focus on another, you will misinterpret their fluctuations for something else, causing a whole slew of problems. Another thing with focusing on/ or relying on another is that you end up spending so much time watching them that you will in fact loose yourself! It seems like that is it right there. Relying on another causes you to loose yourself and in that sense you forget to even interact, which from the other persons perspective, will probably come off as you being disinterested or something of that nature. If that is the case, then how can I make the transition from relying on another to relying on myself while still keeping the other person in the picture? That is the real trick for me because If I spend too much energy focusing on myself, then how will I be aware of another? More importantly still, will I actually be deriving satisfaction from the relationship here, or would it be more like the analogy of low risk investments = low loss/gain? If you don't rely on the other there's low risk for failure but does that equate to a less fulfilling relationship? I just don't understand the dynamics of relying on oneself in a relationship and how that translates to gauging the relationship, especially after the euphoric period wears off. It's like the same problem I have now only instead of blaming myself for the failure, I would be blaming the girlfriend?